I've been working on my autobiograhy; How a Left-wing Journalist Survives the Bible Belt. This is a
chapter on how my religious ideas changed and what they changed to.
By SJ Otto
For almost half of my life I was a Catholic. I was raised
Catholic. My parents were Catholic. For a time I even raised my son Catholic.
But today I'm not Catholic. So how did that happen? I was in my early 30s when
I decided to change my religious beliefs.
I was raised a Catholic and that is a religion that
influences a person's basic life in all areas of life. It isn't just a "go
to church on Sunday" and the rest if the week it is forgotten. I went to a
Catholic school until the sixth grade. We had crucifixes on the walls. I said
prayers before meals and before bed time. During school we had a class each day
for religion. We went to mass every morning, during Catholic school.
I believe I actually enjoyed having a sense of right and
wrong that I constantly had to live by. I had strong moral beliefs. In St. Louis
It was in my teenage years that I turned to the idea of
socialism and Marxism. I took an interest in the presidency of Salvador Allende,
in Chile Nicaragua Philippines , under the leadership of the
Communist Party of the Philippines
At the same time I was also agnostic. I had doubts about
God, heaven and the after-life. I did like the idea of an after-life and going
to Heaven, so I stayed with the church.
Pope John Paul II played in important part in my break with
the church. He condemned Liberation Theology[4]
and that drove a lot of Catholics away from Marxism, or Marxists away from
Catholicism. But I had other problems with the church. I had always disagreed
with many sexual beliefs of Catholicism. That included differences over
pre-marital sex, birth control and although I'm not gay, I never agreed with
the anti-homosexual positions the church took. The church's roles for women in
the clergy was clearly sexist. I was against abortion when I was in my teenage
years. But as I got older I changed my mind about it.
I never agreed that the pope was infallible. Also as I
studied the history of the Catholic Church I found there had been a lot of
corruption. At times the church acted as a political institution. It was
supposed to have given up all its political power centuries ago, about the time
that that European feudalism was dying out. But I realized after a while that
the Catholic Church still held a lot of political power. That became perfectly
clear when a Time magazine article
revealed that Pope John Paul II had conspired with then President Ronald Reagan
and the CIA to bring down governments in Eastern Europe .[5]
I had not been a fan of the governments in Eastern Europe .
I didn't see them as being very genuine Marxist governments. I supported the
"Socialism with a human face" programme
by Alexander Dubček in Czechoslovakia , a movement that the Soviet Union put to an end with an invasion. But it
seemed to me that the Catholic Church had no business getting involved in such
an in-depth political movement. What gave the Pope such a right? The Time magazine revelation was the last
straw. I had problems with Catholicism in the past, but that article finally
put me over the edge. I had a strong belief in supporting those on the bottom
of society, not the wealthy and the aristocrats. I decided that my Marxist
beliefs were more important that my agnostic religious leanings. I was through
with Catholicism as of then.
I could have sought out another Christian religion to take
the place of the one I left. But after living in the Bible Belt and observing
the results of the Christian majority in Wichita
For a while I studied Druidry. I wanted to learn about the
religions my ancestors worshiped before Christianity came to Europe .
One of the main books I used for learning about that religion was The 21 Lessons of Merlyn, Douglas
Monroe.[6]
I found it very interesting and I learned a lot from that book. But after a few
years I realized that book was poorly written and very inaccurate as to the
practice of the ancient Druids. The book had a terrible reputation for being
wrong on a lot of things. I also had a hard time believing in re-incarnation
and multiple gods. Eventually I dropped it. However I did try to keep the
celebration of holidays, such as Winter Solstice in place of Christmas and Samhain
as Halloween. I still like to celebrate those holidays.
Eventually I came across some readings on Epicurus and his
ancient Greek school of thought. It is not really a religion, more of a
philosophy. Epicurus did not deny the existence of god(s) but decided that
gods take care of gods and humans need to take care of humans. He also told
people we should learn not to blame everything on gods. ‘If your house is
crushed by an earthquake it isn’t the anger of the gods, you built your house
in an earthquake prone place.’ And he didn’t believe in an after-life. This is
closest to what I believe. I'd like to believe in an after-life, but I just
really don't. I liked the idea of a belief system based on the needs of humans
and not an abstract god. I can't see any god or gods, but I can see and feel
other humans.
A young student at the middle school where I
work asked me if Epicureanism is "one of those religious with sayings?" And I said "it is." Fore example:
"When
measured by the natural purpose of life, poverty is great wealth; limitless
wealth, great poverty."
"In other
occupations, the reward comes with the difficulty after their completion, but
in philosophy delight coincides with knowledge. For enjoyment does not come
after learning, but learning and enjoyment come together."
"Against
all else it is possible to provide security, but as far as death is concerned,
we all dwell in an unfortified city."[7]
One thing I like about Epicureanism is that it
is not the same as saying that I'm an atheist. When I tell people that I'm an
atheist they say "So you don't believe in anything?!" I do believe in
things. I just don't believe in the after-life or the necessity of worshiping
God. There are a few points were Epicurus and Marx don't match up. That is
mostly in regards to political power. Epicurus said to avoid it. Marx said to
go after it. But I really don't believe that religion should be taken
absolutely literally. It should be taken with a grain of salt, so they say.
I also enjoy other writers from ancient
phylosophers, some related to him, such as Democritus (who inspired early
writings of Karl Marx)[8]
Titus Lucretius Carus
and some of the ancient Chinese philosophers who influenced Mao Zedong, such
as Lao Tzu and Mencius.
[1] Steve Otto, Memoirs of a Drugged-Up, Sex-Crazed
Yippie, (Authorhouse, Bloomington ,
Indiana
[2] JAMES KIRCHICK, "Love The Sinner," New Republic, May 15, 2011,
https://newrepublic.com/article/88416/robert-mugabe-vatican-catholic-pope-zimbabwe
[4] Pope John Paul II,
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_John_Paul_II
[7] Eugene
O'Connor, translator, The Essential
Epicurus, (Prometheus Books, Amherst ,
New York
https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1841/dr-theses/index.htm
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