From F5 (Wichita)
by Don Winsor
After alarming polls drove home the fact that Governor Sam Brownback is in severe danger of losing his office to Rep. Paul Davis* in the coming election, the Brownback campaign picked up some big endorsements this week. Irrelevant political dancing monkeys, such as failed reality-show star Sarah Palin, traveled to Kansas and offered condescendingly faux-homespun folksiness in hopes of throwing a lifeline to the drowning incumbent. Inspired by Palin's endorsement, several other public figures who have nothing to do with Kansas have come forward in support of Governor Samhain Azmodeus Brownback.
Famous-for-some-reason domestic abuser Chris Brown took a break from his tour to stump for Brownback in Cheney, saying, "A vote for Sam is a vote for good, old fashioned common sense. I'm confident he can beat Davis, just as I have beaten so many."
O.J. Simpson also offered his opinion on the race, releasing a statement from his cell in Nevada's Lovelock Correctional Center. "Sam Brownback is a good man, a powerful leader who can take that budget deficit he created and strangle it, stab it, simply murder it until it is dead," inmate No. 1027820 wrote. "I wholeheartedly endorse his candidacy; a vote for him is surely a vote for my innocence, as well."
North Korean Glorious Leader Kim Jong Un stopped to speak with the press in Topeka on the lawn outside the governor's mansion after his weekly tea, stating that "Voting is a silly construct. It offers nothing but foolish hope to naive peasants. That said, if you are going to allow them to vote, they must vote for their glorious leader or be punished. No dissent can be tolerated."
Hollywood lent its voice as Mel Gibson and Joel Schumacher (director of Batman & Robin) held a press conference in Mullinville to rally for the governor and, apparently, against entrenched Zionist control of Hollywood.
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